Gatsby's Secret Weapon
by bobness
Summary: In which Gatsby plans to win Daisy back once and for all. A crack fic. Rated K.


**This was written for an assignment, in which I had to come up with an alternate ending to The Great Gatsby. Yeah, this is MY alternate ending.**

**Disclaimer: I'm quite pleased that I do not own The Great Gatsby.**

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><p>I was faced with two choices at this point, my dear readers. One- turn Daisy in. Two- let Gatsby do whatever he wanted. As you might have previously noted, I refuse to interfere much in the story. I let it take its course. Besides, in my mind, Gatsby could do whatever he wanted and the world would probably go along with it. He was great, after all, albeit a bit obsessed with Daisy. Still, though, he seemed like a fairly intelligent man, so I was certain that any choice he made would be carefully thought over.<p>

That was before, of course, I knocked on the door to his house the following day. "Gatsby?" I called, my knocking growing louder and more insistent. "Gatsby, please answer. I have a dire need to speak with you."

My knocks went unheard, so I continued, until, ten minutes later, Gatsby answered. He looked ridiculous, wearing an over-sized coat, splattered with some sort of pink liquid, and the largest glasses I had ever seen around his eyes, magnifying them like never before. "Yes, Nick?" Well, at least he was still polite.

I was slightly taken aback at his appearance. Was this the new French fashion? Yes, it must certainly be French, for what other apparel would look this insane? I made a mental note to fill my wardrobes with this latest fashion very soon. After all, if I were to stay with this group of ignorant, rich snobs, I might as well look like one.

Focusing at the matter on hand, I stepped inside, convincing myself that the pink liquid was just jello. French jello, perhaps? "Lovely day, Mr. Gatsby, is it not?" Before he could answer, I dove right into my speech. "As you very well may know, Daisy killed Myrtle yesterday. I was wondering what you were going to do about it."

Now, I consider myself an honest man. Highly honest, in fact. Honest enough to destroy the world, if that makes any sense. However, I still refused to open my mouth against the lies, affairs, crimes, even murders, that went on around this city. In a way, I was only honest when I lived in the west. This silly east coast, though, just sucked the honest right out of me, until I was nothing but a shell. Therefore, I decided to let this seemingly obvious murder go down the drain, just because I felt it hilarious to watch the rich people fighting over such trivial things.

Gatsby simply blinked at me. "Why, Nick, I'm glad you asked. I was actually just coming over to show you." He grabbed my arm and led my away from the hall in which I was currently standing in. We walked past his living room, past the library (which was filled with _real_ books, I'll have you know), past the kitchen, and down into a basement I never even knew existed.

"Why, I don't believe I've ever seen this staircase before."

"I built it last night, that could be why," Gatsby responded, his grip on me still tight. I didn't even bother asking how. He was the great Gatsby, he could do what he wanted, as I previously stated.

We continued our walk until I was placed in a dark room. I had the impression of being blinded, due to the overwhelming nothingness. "Uh...Gatsby?"

"Yes, I'm here. Hold on for just a second, Nick." I heard him shuffling as he closed the door and, suddenly, light flooded the room. He found the switch and had flicked it, grinning at me all the while. "There! Do you like it?"

There? There what? I turned to where his finger was pointing and noticed something astounding, something I had never seen in my entire life.

A pink horse with a rainbow mane and a horn. "What the-?"

"Her name is Rainbow," Gatsby responded proudly, making his way over to her and rubbing her neck affectionately. "She is my secret weapon."

Taking a cautious step backward, I could feel my heart thumping wildly in my chest. "S-Secret weapon for what?"

Gatsby's eyes suddenly took on a dark glint. "Secret weapon to rid myself of Tom once and for all. Once Daisy is left without her overly rich husband, she will have no choice but come to me. We shall live together for the rest of our lives. Just Daisy and me."

Perhaps being involved in a murder and an affair made Gatsby just a tad bit on the insane side. Honestly, if he wanted to kill Tom so bad, could he not have just shot him like any normal person? Did he really have to go through all this trouble of creating a unicorn? As a side note, what in the world was a unicorn going to do? Why, unicorns have been gracing children stories for generations! They were always portrayed as the pleasant sort of creature, the one with the magic and wonder, the animal that made everyone stare in awe. So, why choose a unicorn?

I asked him as much. "Why choose a unicorn?"

He had the answer ready for me. It was almost as if he knew I was going to ask it. "No one will expect a unicorn to be capable of killing a man, will they?"

Well, he had a point there. However, I couldn't help but express my opinion on the matter. "Uh, as much as I'd rather not point out the flaw in your plan, Gatsby, I fear that I must." When his curious gaze was upon me, I continued. "You see, you might become even more of a suspect should people figure out you have a unicorn. Unicorns are supposedly mythical creatures, correct? Anyone would instantly assume that you had something to do with this."

It appeared that he hadn't even thought of this. Slowly, his face went blank. "Y-You're right," he whispered. "Oh, Nick, what am I to do?"

This was a difficult situation indeed. For one, I would rather Tom not turn himself into the authorities. It really wasn't his fault, after all. If anyone should be to blame, it was to be Daisy. On the other hand, Daisy was my cousin. Did I really want her to be sentenced to a life in prison? Okay, granted, she might have deserved such a fate, but, like I previously mentioned, I refuse to change the course of life in this here city, despite how much I pride myself on being honest.

There was only one answer to a scenario this desperate. "Gatsby. I'll make sure Daisy stays safe. You, though, must flee."

"Flee?"

I put my hands on Gatsby's shoulders, staring deeply into his eyes and trying to convey my seriousness with this one glare. "Yes, Gatsby. There is nothing left for you here. Daisy is closer to Tom than ever before, what with his mistress now dead. I don't believe she ever loved you."

As if we were in some horribly written short story, Gatsby instantly realized my point. "That's correct," he muttered. "But, how? I sold most of what I owned in order to make Rainbow." In reply, the unicorn neighed.

That explained the lack of material I forgot to mention due to my complete and utter concern. At least, that was my excuse, anyway. "Might as well put the unicorn to good use, then," I responded. "She can fly, can't she?"

"Of course! Can't all unicorns?"

"Right. My mistake, it blew my mind." I led Gatsby over to the window in his basement (because, yes, dear readers, it is possible) and pointed out into the sky. "You must fly away. Take Rainbow to the Virginian mountains! Stay as far from civilization as possible, Gatsby."

Gatsby's eyes shone with determination. "I will," he whispered, his voice hard with raw strength and emotion. "Tell Daisy she must never think of me again!" He climbed onto Rainbow's back as her non-existent wings caused them to flutter in the air. "Take care, Nick! I shall probably never lay eyes on you again, but you must know this one thing- you were my best friend."

"And, you were mine." I watched as they flew off together, until they were no more than a speck in the blue sky. "And you were mine."

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><p><strong>I don't even know.<strong>

**Hope you enjoyed this...thing.**


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